*NOTE: Part II of my grief letter was written in the same sitting as Part I for my GriefShare class, but upon typing the letter, I realized that it needed to be divided into two posts for an easier reading experience.
Dear Friend Preparing for Grief (Part II),
Embrace all your emotions. Joy and sadness may come on the same day.
Also, people around you (i.e., friends / friends of your loved one) may say or ask insensitive questions or remarks. Forgive them. They only care about you and want to help in any way they can.
If you experience any comments that upset or annoy you, observe how those comments make you feel. For example, some remarks may trigger your own fears or emotional responses that you have kept silent or did not recognize you were experiencing if that person had not asked.
If you feel resentful toward said person, let them know how a comment made you feel, IF this is a close friend or family member of yours whose remarks you fear may fracture or sever your relationship if left unaddressed.
Trust me, good friends will understand and apologize. If a person has not experienced a similar grief to yours or has never experienced grief at all, give them grace. Also, you may change along the way (i.e., less patient, more irritable, more emotional, or more vulnerable than usual). That is OKAY too. Grief matures you!
You may grow a few extra gray hairs (if you haven’t already received them 😊).
You may have to tap into how your loved one handled a certain situation that may overwhelm you because that will give you strength too.
Also, if you are the administrator of your loved one’s estate, do NOT try to get everything done in one day. Your grief is overwhelming enough now that your loved one is not here, but you will MULTIPLY your own grief trying to handle all the paperwork at once.
Divide the work into days. Tackle the PRIORITIES first.
Make yourself a list and stick to it (as much as possible) but give yourself grace if you don’t.
Remember, fatigue or sadness may hit, and you may find yourself crying on the phone to a professional representative or wanting to lash out because you’re frustrated, and EVERYTHING is frustrating at once.
If you feel out of control or beyond overwhelmed, STOP!
Put the paperwork down and call it a day. Take a walk, make, or order your favorite meal, watch a good TV show or movie and rest.
Allow people to give you gifts and make you food. You NEED this—to be showered in love. You CANNOT grieve on your own.
Yes, it is okay for you to be ALONE sometimes, but do not deny the kindness of those around you. They may be healing too.
Remember, the Lord is carrying you in His right hand. Continue some of those traditions (if you can) that brought joy to you while being with your loved one.
Some days, you may want to be out socializing or exploring something new to remember your loved one in a joyous moment or to honor them.
Some days, you might want to be at home nestled under your favorite throw blanket and restaurant dish while watching Netflix or a new TV show.
Whatever it is that you choose to do—that brings joy, comfort, or peace—allow yourself to fully experience that moment.
Remember the words of your loved one, those that encouraged and comforted you, and remind yourself that your loved one would like to see you at peace: enjoying yourself or the company of another good friend or family and continue to live your life, as you grieve, and as they lived their life.
God is the Great Comforter and will never leave you nor abandon you, no matter how distant He may feel. Go to Him, ALWAYS, any time.
Healing has no timeline.
I love you, friend, and am here as long as I can be here on this earth.
Love,
Asia